k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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