ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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