i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Boobs are out for the taking
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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