I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
