You're my little dorito
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
