He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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