god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
