Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
