So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
