why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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