Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
