Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize