3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just high enough for therapy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why can't burritos get me drunk
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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