So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
