I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
