Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize