i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
