Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize