you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
