dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
