You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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