well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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