we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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