i may or may not be watching the land before time
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
