my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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