I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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