My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
