guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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