the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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