He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize