Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How's work?
Spinning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
