I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
