problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
