I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
