You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
