I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
