ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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