Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
