She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
