College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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