even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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