Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
