what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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