Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
