What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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