How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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