i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't turn off my feet"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
