WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize