I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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