my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
