On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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