There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
