Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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