Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize