At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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