woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize