Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
