ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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