$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I enjoy the company of your penis
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