Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
