Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
