After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
