New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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