Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
