Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
