this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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