Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
