from now on my penis is your penis
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
