Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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